Chapter 20

Steve came back with the drinks: a pint for Pigshit, a diet Coke for Morrison and an Irn-Bru for himself. Pigshit borrowed a pound off him and went to use the jukebox before anyone else thought about getting up and putting Mumford & Sons back on.

He clicked through the selection of CDs and found a best of the 80s compilation. He studied the track listing carefully. Steve’s pound gave him seven songs. He chose Rio by Duran Duran (of course); Young Guns (Go for It!) by Wham!; Shattered Dreams by Johnny Hates Jazz; Madonna’s 1985 single Into the Groove; Life in a Northern Town by the Dream Academy – wow, he hadn’t heard that in a long time – and Karma Chameleon by Culture Club. For his final selection, he considered both Level 42’s Running in the Family and You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead or Alive. He opted for the latter because it is, quite simply, such a fucking great song.

Returning to his table, he sat down, took a sip of his foaming nut-brown ale, and told Steve and Morrison (who had by now returned from the gents) to hurry up and choose something off the menu.

“Hurry up and choose something,” he said. “I’m hungry.”

“I might go for the burger,” said Morrison.

“Yeah. I was thinking about that,” replied Steve, still examining the menu. “I quite fancy the steak and ale pie, though.”

“Hmmm,” agreed Morrison.

Pigshit sat back in his chair and pondered the incalculable genius of Duran Duran. Then he looked at his colleagues, engrossed in their deliberations about what to have for lunch. Talk about mystery and suspense. If his life was a TV series, perhaps one of those ones they turn into DVD box sets, this would make a fine fucking cliffhanger.

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